My number (846 or something) finally came up and Lean In arrived for me at the library. I can now say that I’ve read it. Though to be honest, from all the chatter about it, I really felt as though I already had.
As I read through it, I allowed all my thoughts and emotions to bubble up. And just be there. Righteousness, judgement, jealousy, agreement, denial, disgust, guilt, and on. And just as I was ready to unleash a final decree, it him me….this is just her story. And I made peace with it.
I’ve sat with executives who have bemoaned the fact that smart women settle for working at Nordstrom’s. (Already that scale is skewed.) If Sandburg comes across as elite, privileged, or name-dropping, that’s because it is her experience. Those are her peeps. She’s being authentic with her experience. That’s awesome. I name drop all the time, you just don’t recognize mine.
As I read through the examples, they were all about some external offer and a women’s opportunity to figure out how to accept it. So while I agree with many of the books points, the key miss is that it continues to focus on reacting to the external, thus reinforcing our status-quo power structures.
I won’t belabor this particular rant, as I wrote about it previously “Don’t Lean In, Root Down.”
A lunch conversation confirmed it for me yesterday. It was a discussion conveying a mother’s decision to “lean in” to staying home with her kids. One that was very scary to make, done on instinct and needing her partner’s full support. In fact, I have often thought of “leaning into” that decision and it scares the hell out of me. Also, it’s really my husband’s dream (and this is where the book touched a bit & I wanted more), I’d love to help create the opportunity for him to “lean into” that role.
I don’t know why I need to let you know that I’m at peace. I always feel guilty when I disagree with the common day feminist chatter. I certainly am a feminist and anyone (mainly, my family) will tell you that I’m quite feisty about not simply accepting predefined roles or stereotypes. I just hope that the next iteration of this debate takes us beyond the same conversation.