I look young. I’ve always looked young. I’m the gal that got carded for an R-rated movie, after I graduated University. I consistently get carded for alcohol, sometimes in countries where the drinking age is 18. At 33, I usually greet these incidents with a smile. Like my parents told me growing up, someday you are going to love looking young.
Unfortunately, where it hasn’t been as fun of a ride to look young is in the workplace. I’ve played with clothes, with my hair, with wearing too much makeup, all with the pursuit of looking older. In the end, I just look weird and I don’t feel like myself, so I act weird.Looking young has backfired in two ways:
1. I look too young to be capable.
Folks inadvertently subtract years off my actual age, making it seem like I can’t possibly be qualified to do the job. They tend to toss me into a younger demographic and then chalk up my enthusiasm to “being young” (vs. thinking, wow, she has a new viewpoint that we haven’t considered.)
I find that transparency in this situation works the best. “Oh, yes, I look much younger than I am. I am ‘x’ age. This is why I know ‘y’ about the topic. Let me tell you ‘z’ my thoughts on the situation.” At least it gets perceptions cleared up quickly, and if they want to discount me, then they can do so because they don’t like my opinions or expertise.
2. I’m not a child prodigy.
This one happens less frequently, and it’s more of a bummer to dispel. This has usually happened when someone sees my resume and then subtracts 5-7 years off my age. They think I’m a genius.
I had an HR professional introduce me to a new co-worker lauding all my accomplishments and then commenting on how I was only 22. I was 27 at the time.
I had a former colleague offer to nominate me for a ‘something under 30’ award and I was 32.
I’m sometimes less transparent when this happens. Why burst their bubble and tell them I’m just a regular average gal? The child prodigy persona is a pretty fun one to hold on to while I can, and pretty soon they’ll figure out my real age. (Damn you mathematics!)
I don’t know if I’d rather look older than I am. I certainly remember the girls who looked older in high school and I envied them immensely. I know youth won’t last forever, and I’m grateful that I get to drag it out. Still, I do wonder how enthusiastic I’ll be when I’m 50 explaining that folks need to start listening to me now…because I’m not a child.
I said a couple weeks ago, privately, so I just want to say publicly that you continue to influence and impact me and challenge my assumptions when necessary, and add to my ideas often.
I know that I was one of those people who subtracted a few years from your age (age not ability), when I met you but consider the alternative. I was ‘pulling beer’ for 21 year olds when I was 16 and have looked 50+ since my mid-thirties, although when I look in the mirror some days I see a 25 year old. Looking older has one big drawback – looking older.
My partner in crime has always looked older as well. I often wonder at his tales of buying beer at age 15. At 15, I looked pretty close to 10. Being a nerdy student probably didn’t help me.
Once upon a time I went to a fair with some friends. I must have been, oooh, about 30. There was an ancient-looking crone sat on a stool under a lamp post guessing people’s age in exchange for a pound or two. If she got your age wrong by more than a year you won a prize.
We watched her for a while in amazement. The vast majority of the time she wasn’t even one year out. She nailed it again and again, young and old, men and women alike. In all the time we watched, she did not have to give a prize away even once and instead kept on steadily accumulating money.
Eventually, I was coaxed into giving it a go. I wouldn’t have bothered but for peer pressure (or more accurately girlfriend pressure). As I sat down opposite her, the woman’s eyes darted over my face. She picked up my hands and looked at both them and my wrists. After a pause (dramatic effect) she gave her verdict: “25!”
When I told her she was out by five years she was furious (contrary to reputation I was nice. I did not say “not even close”). She rammed the prize into my hands (from where, of course, it was retrieved by my delighted girlfriend) and she snapped at me “Well, you must have had a very easy life!”. Charming!
I don’t know if I had any discrimination at work though. Probably.
That is a fantastic example! I grew up near Great America and they had a similar game. I never did it, but always thought that I would be the big winner. I don’t know if its discrimination per se, but I certainly know that it would be considered quite unprofessional for me to reference folks ages at work. When someone says, I’m so old – I don’t say “well, yes, you are” nor do I add “that’s because you are old.” It’s interesting to me that we do allow it with youth – “the youth these days”, “it’s because you are so young”, “you won’t know what I mean for 20 years,”, etc. Not something I think we’ll solve, but a phenomenon that I like to point out.