It’s nearly two months since I posted about the horribly hard transition to parenthood.  With each passing day and week, people have kept telling me it gets easier.  At 8 weeks, at 12 weeks, at 4 months, at 6 months.  This article said four months and twenty three days.  I circled the date on my calendar.  Yet, when pressed a bit, these parent do cave in and confess, “okay, not easier, but different.”
Our little one turned four months last week.  I can say that from Labor Day until this week, we were in a downward spiral in the world of routine and sleep.  It seemed that all of August the wee one enjoyed the slumbering and the routine we had established.  The routine wasn’t perfect and certainly required a lot of us a parents, but it was at least a routine.  Then Labor Day hit and my “it gets easier” 12 week mark sailed past us…without being easier.  But I thought, okay maybe next month.
I was so in love with the idea of four months being the “easier” time.  I have so wanted to enjoy the milestones of  my baby without being incredibly tired and cranky.  I just though magically that would happen.  Instead, we found our days filling up with more and more time spent rocking and soothing and less time with the baby out of our arms.  We were sliding backwards.  Last week, at the four months mark, I found myself with babe in my arms, screaming in my face, unable to be soothed.  It was time for a change.
What I’ve found in this easier/different dynamic is that it’s actually more about control and routine.  As parents, we give up so much control of what we want to do each day – eat, sleep, shower, what to wear, where to go, etc.  I tried to establish early routines that gave me a sense of control in my life.  I’d be grateful for the small wins each day – the “do one thing” mentality.  Once that routine was established, my ego was reluctant to let it go when baby dictated it.  Damn it, don’t you know I was looking forward to my one thing!?
That’s where we hit last week.  Our routine was failing.
Since the birth of the baby, we’ve been referring to Healthy Baby, Healthy Sleep.  (So many sleep books, so little time).  However, we never really committed to many of its recommendations.  We just took what seemed easiest and left the hard stuff alone.  This week we changed course.  And that require us to 1.  Put the baby down.  2. Completely change our nap and bedtime routine.  3.  Take baby out of a swaddle.
We are day five into the experiment of the new routine.  We had the quit the old routine, cold turkey.  The hardest part was the unknown.  Even with a crappy routine and worse results, it’s the devil that you know.  Releasing your ‘tried and true-ish’ for something completely new is not easy, particularly when your sleep is at stake.
This new routine has required us to take control, as parents, to help our child know how to help herself to sleep.  It has required ear plugs and a lot of resolve.  She’s got her arms free, and that means I need to clip those baby nails.  There have been calls to my mother and nights of reassuring one another that we are on the right path.  It it works, we might be able to move up to a “two things a day” plan.
Walking into her room this morning, singing You Are My Sunshine, I was greeted by her smile.  That’s the ultimate reward.
At four months and 1 week, nothing is perfect and it’s not easier.  Sure, it’s different.  And with any luck it will bring a little more routine and a little more control to my life.

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