At seven months pregnant, an acquaintance told me I’d never be as smart as I was before. I’ve read research both confirming and contradicting that information. They say incubating the baby takes a toll on your brain, diminishes capacity by 20% or so. However, apparently at some point, the brain actually increases its capacity – actually surpassing your pre-pregnancy brain. I can’t remember when that is suppose to happen, but I can’t wait.
Most days as I exit my house, I have to ask myself whether I’m wearing pants.
Before having my daughter, work was everything I did. There was work. Then extra-work. Then extra-curricular work. If I wasn’t working, it really felt like I was missing out. The double dose of duty and guilt encouraged me to work even more.
In the past ten months, I brutally slashed all extra work and extracurricular activities. Not much was spared. I’ve been too exhausted to feel duty or guilt about the massacre. My brain too full of mommy information to hold anything else. I assumed that at some point my extra brain capacity would kick in, as would my motivating-work-turbobooster…and I’d speed ahead to catch up to my former self.
After two months back at work, I’m getting comfortable with the fact that is not going to happen. The reality is that I work differently now. There is less space for waste and more interest in staying focused. It’s not simply about efficiency, but about acknowledging that time is at a premium. If the work is not fueling my soul, then it’s not for me.
These new revelations scare the hell out of me. I’ve never been one to use the word “no” so frequently. I’ve never passed by fun-sounding opportunities or chances to read the latest and greatest research. I was always pushing the edges of time to see if I could get just a bit more done, participate in a little bit more.
Now, I look at all of the things I’ve really wanted to do. The big, scary, life changing goals. And I’m going after them.
It sounds cliche, but my daughter has changed everything. The changes are not simply about spending more time with her (I’ll be the first to acknowledge that mommy needs a break), but are rather about using my time away to do things that make her life, our family’s life, and my life better. In prioritizing these things, the scope of what I chose to work on automatically narrows.
Once I’ve done my daily confirmation of “yes, I’m wearing pants”, I set out to create a my day that ensures I’m advancing things that really matter to my spirit. These days I may still be operating at 85% of my brain capacity, but as a friend told me earlier this week, “where your smarts feel diminished, wisdom has blossomed.”
I like to think that’s the case.
